Cordially
by Meridian31
Summary: "You are cordially invited to go fuck yourself." / Drabble. One-Shot. / Tama Tonga


**_I can see it in your eyes, some things you can never change. Nothing else that I can do, while I'm waiting for the end to come…._**

There was only so much time until your luck ran out, you knew this, you had accepted the fact.

But why did it have to run out _today_?

Today, of all times, when you were in a confined space, for a specific event that you couldn't just leave from without suspicion.

You had hoped, hoped beyond hope, that he was busy in Japan and unable to attend the wedding. You had yourself convinced it was true, without any proof.

Of course, you'd been wrong.

It took no time at all for you to locate him where he stood in the reception hall, in all his six foot, wonderful and mysterious, glory. His hair was pulled back into a bun, his beard tied at the end like always. Dressed in a black suit and white dress shirt…his outfit was the right level of formal but casual. He held a small tumbler in his hand, no doubt with whiskey in it. Your eyes scanned him over, as the creases came to the side of his eyes when he laughed at something the man he was talking to said.

For as much as you were bitter towards him, you had to admit he looked _good_. It was a curse, really. He could make you so angry, so heartbroken, but one look into those dark eyes, and you remembered how you'd fallen in love with him to start.

Grabbing your glass of vodka soda from the table, you downed it in spectacular fashion.

You weren't needy, not by a long shot. You had your own life and your own things to be focused on. If you only exchanged a few texts in a day, and maybe a phone conversation or Facetime session, that was enough for you.

But he couldn't even manage that after a while. Two years together in total, but at about a year and a half, you were an afterthought.

Texts went unanswered for hours, even when sent at times you knew were daylight hours in Japan. Phone calls were returned, sometimes. Facetime had to be scheduled and was canceled, only to be rescheduled, more often than not.

You began to realize that your relationship wasn't what it once was. You dropped hints when you were actually in communication with Tama that you wanted more consistency, expected to talk with him every day, but he didn't seem to get the message.

As days went by, it became clear to you that the end was near for your relationship. You didn't know if Tama noticed the change, but you had, and it didn't sit well with you at all.

So one late night, when you hadn't heard from him all day, you'd left him a voicemail that told him everything you needed to say. Was it the most mature thing to do? Not at all. But you were hurt and sad and drinking and just so fed up.

" _Hey. I don't…you haven't answered any of my texts or calls all day. And I know you're busy, and I know you're working but…I…Tama, I can't do this anymore. For way too long I feel like I have to…fight for your attention. I'm tired of it. You…I liked what we had, but now…this isn't good anymore. This…we're done, Tama. I'm done._ "

You'd ignored all of his subsequent calls and texts afterward. It was the most he'd attempted to connect with you in weeks, and you weren't having it.

Again, not very mature. You recognized that. But at the time, it felt justified. Making him sweat it out a bit, so to speak.

After three days, you finally answered one of his phone calls, deciding you were in the right headspace to tackle the impending discussion. The memory, despite being four months old, was fresh in your head as you thought of it.

 _"_ _Hey."_

 _"_ _HEY?! Really? That's what you have to say to me? What the fuck?"_

 _"_ _Don't be nasty," you ordered._

 _"_ _You left me one hell of a bad message, and you've been ignoring me for the last few fucking days. I will be nasty," Tama declared. "Is this really how you want to end shit? Really? I don't get to say anything about it?"_

 _"_ _You could have said a whole lot in the last few months. But instead, I've become best friends with your voicemail and had to accept the idea of having my texts ignored. So, yeah, sorry if I'm not feeling too sentimental about it all right now," you detailed. "This relationship, if it even is one anymore, has been on the decline for a while."_

 _"_ _And that's it? You're not even gonna talk this out with me? Try to figure out how to make this shit better?"_

 _"_ _If you wanted to do that Tama, you would have by now," you replied, feeling your chest tighten, and a weight build in your stomach. "Maybe you've been OK with how this has been, but I haven't been. I'm not trying to be overbearing or demanding, but like, going days without talking with you is killing me. I can't do it anymore. This…you're busy and you're making your life awesome and, I just, I want that for you. But I can't pretend this is working between us because it's not."_

 _"_ _Baby…please…don't think you're not important to me. You. Are."_

 _"_ _It's a beautiful sentiment, but we both know it's not entirely true. I'm not a priority right now, and it is what it is."_

 _"_ _I love you!"_

 _"_ _I know," you breathed, feeling the tears sting as they built in your eyes. "But, you love other things more. And I can't keep…I'm not going to try to make this more than it really is. Tama…I'm sorry. But this? Us? We…it's run its course. This isn't what makes me happy anymore."_

His words after that were hollow and unnecessary. It was only a few moments later that you said goodbye, wished him the best, and ended the phone call. There was no use in dragging it out any longer. You'd made up your mind, and despite his protests, you knew deep in your heart that this was what needed to happen for both of you.

Four months now you'd gone without hearing his voice, seeing his face, being with him. And of course, it had to change tonight at this wedding of mutual friends in Orlando.

You'd brought no date with you, feeling comfort in the number of friends you had at the wedding to keep it from seeming awkward. You were seated at a table with a handful of female and male friends and their significant others. You didn't feel entirely like a lone-wolf, but of course given it was a wedding, you couldn't help but feel _some_ loneliness. That was natural.

Standing up, you left your table and headed towards the open bar. It was a blessing that your friends understood the importance of booze at their affair.

"Hi."

Your heart basically stopped for a second at the voice that came from over your shoulder.

Ignoring it for the moment, you ordered another liquor drink from the bartender. The voice behind you also ordered another whiskey, and the bartender left at the request to make the drinks.

"Hi," you finally replied, continuing to stand so you faced forward, taking in the bottles lining the wall.

"Can you…." His voice trailed off. "You been alright?"

"Fine," you answered, chewing on your lip after your spoke. There had to be at least a foot between you, but somehow you felt his presence overwhelming yours.

"How's work been?"

His attempt at small talk, probably meant to be gentle and relaxing, made you irritated more than anything. There was nothing normal or routine about this moment, and him trying to make it so really bothered you.

"It's still happening," you stated.

"Will you look at me?"

"Don't really care to," you said, getting a heavy sigh as a response from him.

"Listen–"

"No, thank you," you cut him off. "Our time has passed, Tama. We don't need to do this. You look well, and I've heard you're doing well, and I'm happy for you. Let's leave it at that."

"You aren't the only who gets a say," Tama retorted. "There's two of us here, not just you. And it really pisses me off that you keep making decisions for me."

"Fine, say your peace."

"Look at me."

Squeezing your eyes shut, you look in a shallow breath. You reopened your eyes as you turned on your heels, resting your back against the bar counter.

And there he was, your ex-boyfriend, inches away from you. You had acknowledged he'd looked good from a distance, but up close? He was as devastatingly handsome as always. Tama knew he was attractive, knew how to work every inch of his body to get attention and admiration. With you though, he let his guard down, was more goofy than stoic. It had made you love him more.

"You look beautiful, like always."

"Don't try that," you ordered, keeping your tone as direct and level as possible. "What did you need to say to me?"

"I miss you." You didn't react on the outside to his statement. "The way you ended things…. You didn't even give me a chance to change, to make it right. I hate that, because I know I could have."

"You didn't even realize there was a problem," you highlighted. "You were perfectly content with our barely-there relationship, and didn't even realize I wasn't."

"You never told me! You never told me that shit, and never let me try to make it right. You didn't even try to tell me, you just ended it."

"Ya know what Tama? You're cordially invited to go fuck yourself," you declared, noticing the bartender returning with your drinks. Turning, you swiped your drink from the bar, before leveling Tama with your best glare. "I _tried_. I tried more for us than anything else in my life. And you couldn't meet me halfway. I shouldn't have to tell you that to be in a relationship with someone means you talk with them and want to see them and make them important in your daily life."

"OK, fine, maybe I wasn't the best…but shit, I wasn't the worst. This, us, it could have gotten better. And you just left."

"Because I don't believe that," you asserted. "You're still gonna be in Japan on the regular. I'm not going to be. And sure, maybe for a bit, we could have fixed things and been happy…but eventually? Eventually, we'd be back to where we were, and I wasn't happy there."

"You're wrong. You don't know how much you mean to me."

"Well, we'll never find out, will we?" Your question was rhetorical, and he knew it. Glancing over his figure one more time, a bittersweet half-smile came to your lips. "I'm proud of you, Tama. I hope you continue to be successful and find your happiness however you can."

With a gentle squeeze of his forearm, you walked past him and headed back to the table you'd been assigned. There was an ache in your chest as you left your past behind you. Tama was a genuinely great person, but he wasn't right for your life. You knew it was true. But it still sucked.

 ** _I know you're gonna walk away. But you should know that you're the only one…._**


End file.
